Raising Awareness of boyfriends' murdering children - blog here for ideas, please

Admin wrote:Can I borrow your brilliant, caring minds for a few
minutes? I need some help with something. As most of you have seen, we
have a new section in the Missing/Exploited Children section called
"Child Advocacy News." It's a place where we can compile articles on the
breakdown of the system, and articles on ways to help children. I need
two things, please.

Kiwi is really passionate about bringing
awareness to the issue of these young mothers leaving their babies home
with boyfriends. I completely agree with her, that something must be
done. She want to write an editorial column, and I need a name for it?
What do you all think? Any suggestions?

Secondly, she started me
thinking...I'll just paste what I wrote her:

As I fell asleep
last night, I was thinking of designing a poster, to be hung everywhere I
can think of, schools, churches, the Health Clinics, the Food Stamp
Office,
etc. Around the border of the poster will be 50 murdered children's
pics, (provided I can get permission) children that were murdered by
mother's boyfriends. The middle of the poster will read something like,

"50
REASONS NOT TO LEAVE YOUR CHILD WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND"

then
underneath, a paragraph explaining briefly that each child's pic was a
child that was murdered by a mother's boyfriend, and explaining that he
doesn't love your child like you do, and no man is worth your child's
life. Something like that, I don't have all the wording down yet. What
do you think? I think I could find someone to print them up for free for
me....I could actually even do a TV spot, nowthat I think about it.
They run PSA's (public service announcements) for free on TV here.

I
need help with the wording. And do you think this is a good idea? Would
it work? Maybe it would save ONE child. Maybe, I don't know. What
should the paragraph on the poster say? Or the middle? Anyway, it's just
something I'm kicking round....what do you think?

we need chooseme to help with this - i will start a topic in child
advocacy that we can share ideas, so they are all in one place, OK? and
i think it is a fantastic idea. there are a couple of organizations i
can approach about how this should be done and i can also check on the
legality of it here in the states- we need kiwi to check her
legalities.

topic started -to do's include:

1. legality of creating and distributing poster
2. parental permission of using pictures of murdered children
3. organizations to support the effort
4. wording of the actual poster
5. printing of the poster
6. distribution of the poster

feel free to add to the "to do " list

oviedo45 wrote:topic started -to do's include:

1. legality of creating and distributing poster
2. parental permission of using pictures of murdered children
3. organizations to support the effort
4. wording of the actual poster
5. printing of the poster
6. distribution of the poster

You are a jewel, you know that? Thank you, Ovi!

This suggestion by Tears:

Great Idea, I would help with posting it in my area of Florida. For
every state (since we have so many of us across the country) we could
have a poster for that state....just a suggestion.

Maybe the posters could be placed in shelters for women as well ?

http://childabuseheadlines.com/page/84/

this is a tough thing to read- all these cases and so many sick people in the world.

Mom_in_IL posted this link on the Main Blog. Tons of good info, evidently something like this has already been implemented in Ohio! (I guess a link would help)

http://jfs.ohio.gov/octf/Daily%20Clips%20-%20Week%20Ending%202-5-10.pdf

Hi Admin/Alice....I guess you must've changed my name to "molly".my name is Iris.... ...but here's a link in ref to the above....

http://knowthewarningsigns.com/

It was posted on the jfs.ohio.gov....

How about....

"Free Babysitting NOT so Free"

or

"Free Babysitting? At What Cost?"

tears4caylee wrote:Hi Admin/Alice....I guess you must've changed my name to "molly".my name is Iris.... ...but here's a link in ref to the above....

http://knowthewarningsigns.com/

It was posted on the jfs.ohio.gov....

LOL, I know it is, I was rushing around this morning doing too many things at once, I think I was reading one of Always' (Molly's posts) and just got mixed up...sorry, hun...

Admin wrote:

tears4caylee wrote:Hi Admin/Alice....I guess you must've changed my name to "molly".my name is Iris.... ...but here's a link in ref to the above....

http://knowthewarningsigns.com/

It was posted on the jfs.ohio.gov....

LOL, I know it is, I was rushing around this morning doing too many things at once, I think I was reading one of Always' (Molly's posts) and just got mixed up...sorry, hun...

Not a big deal...I know you have a lot to keep up with....I've been called many names in my day.... I actually like the name molly....I wonder if she would like to switch....

See him through her eyes . . .

mom_in_il wrote:See him through her eyes . . .

---Powerful stuff! Mighty Powerful Stuff!~ Perfect!

Maybe we need two posters. One aimed at getting the message to the mother and another aimed at boyfriends/young men warning don't try to take on the responsibility. The risk is high that they may snap and they will be in jail for life.

WARNING

THE PERSON MOST LIKELY TO HARM YOUR BABY


YOUR BOYFRIEND

WARNING

DON'T BABYSIT FOR YOUR GIRLFRIENDS CHILDREN

THOUSANDS OF YOUNG MEN JAILED FOR LIFE BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T COPE

kiwimom wrote:Maybe we need two posters. One aimed at getting the message to the mother and another aimed at boyfriends/young men warning don't try to take on the responsibility. The risk is high that they may snap and they will be in jail for life.

---The one aimed to warn the young mothers would probably have more of an effect. Young guys think they've got it all under control and nothing like that would ever happen. If we can educate the mom that they have to look into the past, and examine the future of these guys they are hanging with that will be a very positive step in this scenario.

TomTerrific0420 wrote:

kiwimom wrote:Maybe we need two posters. One aimed at getting the message to the mother and another aimed at boyfriends/young men warning don't try to take on the responsibility. The risk is high that they may snap and they will be in jail for life.

---The one aimed to warn the young mothers would probably have more of an effect. Young guys think they've got it all under control and nothing like that would ever happen. If we can educate the mom that they have to look into the past, and examine the future of these guys they are hanging with that will be a very positive step in this scenario.

Over the last couple of months I had posted 2 lists of babies and children murdered by the mothers boyfriend during that period. I counted them. There were 37

Adolescent

Pregnancy
by Robert T. Brown, MD

The
following are some of the stark facts about a problem
that has
become to many Americans, a symbol of a national moral
malaise.
This article will attempt to present the facts about
teen pregnancy,
and it will offer some thoughts on what might be done
to alleviate
the problem, at least to some degree.

Every year almost one million teenage girls become
pregnant.

More than half of them are 17 years old or younger
when they
have their first pregnancy.

Approximately one-third of the girls who get
pregnant carry
their pregnancies to term and keep their babies.

About another third have abortions, and the other
third has
spontaneous miscarriages.
Only
about five percent of pregnant girls put their
babies up for
adoption.
Approximately
40 percent of young women become pregnant before
they reach
20 years old.

The United States of America has double the
adolescent pregnancy
and birth rates of any other industrialized country.
The
poorer the young woman, the more likely she will
become a
mother.

Less than one-third of teens who have babies before
the age
of 18 finish high school.

Almost half of all teen mothers end up on welfare.

Less than 25 percent of births to teens occur within
wedlock.

The birth rate for teens has been declining in
recent years,
especially among African American girls (this is
good news).

Background


For almost all of human history, women began their
careers as
mothers when they were teenagers. Until the years
preceding
World War II, girls usually got married within a few
years of
reaching menarche (the first menstrual period), which
occurred
when the girls were 14 or 15 years old. Since there
wasn’t
any effective form of contraception, they tended to
get pregnant
soon after the wedding. Indeed, there were more
teenage women
who became parents in 1960 than there are now, but
most of these
women were married, or they got married while they
were pregnant.


The
major change in the situation has been the public
acceptance
of single motherhood along with recognition that women
definitely
need a complete education, at least through high
school, if
they are to be financially self-sufficient. Only about
25 percent
of children grow up in a house with both birth parents
these
days, compared to more than 50 percent just 40 years
ago. The
increase in numbers of single parents due to divorce
has led
to a societal acceptance of single parenthood in
general, with
the consequence of societal acceptance of single
teenage mothers
as well, even if they’ve never been married.

//This is the Middle Rectangle





Protective
Factors


There are several factors that correlate with
decreased risk
of becoming a teen mother. Children who are raised by
both parents
from birth have a decreased risk of becoming sexually
active.
Teens who are regularly involved in their places of
worship
tend to delay the onset of sexual activity.
Adolescents whose
parents discuss sex with them are likely to delay
onset of sexual
relationships, as are teens who expect to go on to
college.
An additional factor that helps protect kids in this
area is
closeness or “connectedness” to their parents. Teenage

girls who relate well to their parents tend to delay
onset of
sexual activity, and when they do become sexually
active, they
make better choices about contraception.

Factors
That Increase Risk

Let’s
focus on why some girls, unwed ones more specifically,
become
parents during their adolescence.


Immaturity
The reader should notice that I did not say choose to
become
pregnant. Many younger adolescents are not
particularly developed
in their ability to think as adults until they reach
15 or 16
years of age. At 12, 13, or 14 years old, adolescents
are generally
incapable of making decisions based on a reasoned
understanding
of the future consequences of their actions. Their
brains have
yet to develop the connections that allow them to
think that
way. Teens at this stage live much more in the moment
than do
older teens or adults. Adolescents often do not
connect the
actual act of intercourse with the real possibility of
having
a baby nine months later. This inability to perceive
future
consequences of current behavior is called cognitive
immaturity.


Personal
Myth
As
part of growing up mentally, adolescents, especially
early adolescents,
experience what has been called a personal myth. This
means
that these teens feel as if they have special
protection from
risky behaviors and that bad consequences won’t happen

to them. Fortunately, most of us grow out of this way
of thinking
by middle adolescence when we start getting more
freedom from
parental control. If the early adolescents who think
this way
do not have adequate supervision from parents and are
not protected
by some of the factors mentioned above, they will be
at much
higher risk for the onset of sexual activity with all
of its
consequences.

Low
self-esteem
Girls
who have low self-esteem or who are depressed may
engage in
sexual activity as a way of trying to make themselves
feel better.
Girls who have parents who are distracted or depressed
may also
feel the need to seek warmth and nurturing through
sexual liaisons.
Girls who abuse alcohol or drugs may not make very
good choices
about sex and contraception. And girls who do not have
an effective
male role model during their early and mid-adolescent
years
also may be vulnerable to the attentions of older men
from whom
these girls seek “fathering” as much as they seek
romance and intimacy. These older men, however, are
usually
not motivated altruistically. They enter these
relationships
frequently because they find a younger woman easier to
control.
Some of these girls also are prey to men who want to
prove to
themselves that they are capable of fathering a child.
We do
know that on the average, the fathers of babies born
to teen
moms are at least four years older than the girls. So
most of
these men are adults, not teens.

Another
factor putting girls at risk is lack of knowledge
about how
to avoid having sex and about contraception if they
choose to
have sex.

Wanted
pregnancy
Finally, some girls get pregnant because they really
want to.
Some want to get pregnant in order to make their
partners happy.
Some girls carry the mistaken belief that the babies
will give
them love and nurturance. And some want to get
pregnant because
they see other girls in their social circles getting
increased
attention and what seems to them increased material
benefit
by being mothers. These girls tend not to have a real
understanding
of the negatives of adolescent parenthood.



Possible
Solutions

Alleviation
of some of the factors mentioned above might have a
real impact
on the pregnancy rate among adolescents in this
country. Actions
that we as a society could take include:

Detecting
girls with depression/low self-esteem when they are
children
or in very early adolescence.

Doing all we can to ensure that girls have effective
male
role models, especially if their natural fathers are
not active
in their lives.
Making
sure that all teens are educated in how to avoid
unwanted
sexual activity.
Making
sure all teens know about effective contraception if
they
do choose to have sex.
Making
sure that teens know the risks that are caused by
alcohol
and drug use and that those with substance abuse
problems
are detected and treated.

One
further factor that might diminish the sexual risks
that adolescents
take is to have a consistent and healthful portrayal
of sex
and its consequences in our media. This country has an
obsession
with sex in advertising and in entertainment, but the
media
usually doesn’t show the negative consequences of
having
sex. Frequently, people on TV or in the movies are
depicted
as having sex without consequences. The media also
does a very
poor job of showing kids how adults who are
responsible act
in situations in which they might engage in sex. Do
popular
TV shows depict characters actively saying that they
probably
ought not to have sex because pregnancy might ensue?
Pressure
by parents on companies that sponsor these programs
could be
a big help in this area.

Conclusion



Adolescence
is a period in which the sexual self becomes developed
and in
which it is natural to want to discover one’s
capabilities.
As responsible adults, we ought to be providing our
young people
with the guidance and tools needed to get through this
period
in good shape, unencumbered by too early parenthood or
the need
for abortions.

After doing a little bit of internet research combined with a bit of common sense I've come up with the following action plan that I feel will have a tiny bit of impact on the rate of teen pregnancies, while at the same time attacking the issue of appropriate child care for babies for those teens that go ahead and try to raise their babies. Even if we only save one child, it will be well worth our effort. Here I am going to talk about what can be done to stop teen pregnancies , because I'm wanting to focus on the 1/3rd who choose to keep and raise the baby themselves.

From my research, and intuition I believe that the majority of young girls get pregnant because they believe that they are in love and the boy loves them too. When a female child was raised without a stable loving environment they will be too needy to be able to judge the boys genuinely interested in them from the boys who just want to sleep with them. Boys will say "I love you" at the drop of a hat to get into bed and the young girls who have craved love all their lives will view the act of sex as a sign of love. I believe female children raised without a father are more likely to be among this category. This type of teen are, Imo, the most likely to want to take the pregnancy to full term.

There are 3 basic problems that need to be addressed IMO.

1. Young girls need to be made aware that boys will make declarations of love just to have sex.

2. Young boys and girls need to be made aware of the real risk of getting pregnant if no birth control is used. There is an urgent need to counteract the teen mentality of 'it won't happen to me' with the fact that if you have unprotected sex 90% of girls will get pregnant in the first 12 months. It's about 25% in the first month.

3. Only 5% of young persons faced with an unplanned pregnancy choose adoption and I believe that doctors and frontline people dealing with the situation have a lot to do with this statistic. A young girl presenting to a doctor with an unwanted pregnancy is usually advised of the option of abortion or the help available should they choose to keep the baby. As a young person they have no knowledge that couples are out there waiting to provide a loving home to a baby and that they can be involved if they choose to. Doctors and other agencies that deal with unplanned pregnancies should by law have to ensure that the pregnant girl is fully educated about this option as it is the best option for the baby and what is best for the baby is absolutely the most important consideration.

The best place to get the message across to these kids is at school, and before they encounter the issues. At seen in the stats above, less than one third of pregnant teens finish high school. We have the blind raising the blind and with ignorant parents the cycle will continue. America has an appalling rate compared to other similar countries with teen pregnancies and I have no doubt this is because
talking about birth control is mostly outlawed and only abstinence is allowed to be discussed at school. To all those who wish continue to take the religious or moral high ground on this matter I ask if sticking to your ideals are more important than a child condemned to the misery of abuse and death.

I propose that we make our posters to be displayed in whatever appropriate place we can, but to make a real difference I propose that we aim to get mandatory education in schools about this issue. We may have to do it State by State and we may have to do it school by school but we have to try. If we can come up with an education package that we can present and get just one school to adopt it then we'll start the ball rolling. We just need one school with pretty bad stats to agree to try something new and link up with us and see if it makes a difference. We can get them involved with our site here, give the kids a thread to voice their concerns and opinions, and engage them to help us try to stem the tide. We need to connect with them if we are to truly understand why it's happening, and what we can do to help them. We could start by teaming up with a school to enlist the kids to put up our posters and take it from there.

Kiwi and Admin....I've been giving this a lot of thought....Why dont we use FACEBOOK as a POSTER BOARD....These young girls are on FB all the time. These young girls and mothers have very low self esteem and that is why they are always looking for men to be with. (I've seen this with my own niece) thank God she found a Good guy now, but she has had some bigtime loosers in her life....

We can TARGET these girls right ON THEIR COMPUTERS....WHY NOT? These girls spend more time on the computers than they do with their own kids..... Just a thought....

We can also target doctors offices, food stamp offices, schools (high school and middle school) daycares etc....But we can start with Facebook....

tears4caylee wrote:Kiwi and Admin....I've been giving this a lot of thought....Why dont we use FACEBOOK as a POSTER BOARD....These young girls are on FB all the time. These young girls and mothers have very low self esteem and that is why they are always looking for men to be with. (I've seen this with my own niece) thank God she found a Good guy now, but she has had some bigtime loosers in her life....

We can TARGET these girls right ON THEIR COMPUTERS....WHY NOT? These girls spend more time on the computers than they do with their own kids..... Just a thought....

We can also target doctors offices, food stamp offices, schools (high school and middle school) daycares etc....But we can start with Facebook....

Absolutely brilliant idea tears