When sex abuse is suspected

Deciphering the language of young children is challenging, particularly
when it comes to sexual issues.

Young kids make comments about
their privates that may either be totally normal or suggestive of sexual
abuse. How can we tell the difference?

The facts are well
documented by 30 years of research. About 8 percent to 10 percent of
boys and 12 percent to 25 percent of girls will be sexually molested
during their childhood.

The scariest part for parents is that the
abuse is rarely done by strangers, but most often by people known and
trusted by our children. And the abusers are not only adults but
sometimes older children.

We need to spend less time warning our
kids about the stranger in the park and instead talk with them about
baby sitters, coaches and even family members.

Here's how to
respond to a young child who makes comments about possible sexual
activities.

1. Be casual. Young kids will be scared if you get
upset or act in ways that appear as if you are angry with them. Your
initial response will determine whether your child will talk or be
quiet.

2. Ask open-ended questions. Ask your child to "tell me
more," "what happened then?" "where did this happen?" or "what did you
do then?"

3. Avoid leading questions. Young children are easy to
influence and will say what they think you want to hear.

4.
Reassure. Sexual abuse can continue only in an environment of secrecy.
Even if it is unclear what may have occurred, reassure your child that
he did nothing wrong and praise him for talking with you.

5.
Believe your child. It is rare for young children to lie about sexual
abuse.

6. Distinguish between normal and abnormal behavior. Not
all sexual activity among young children is sexual abuse, as some
behaviors are simply normal sexual exploration.

Here is how to
tell the difference: the use of force or threat of force, manipulation
of one child by another, significant age difference between your child
and the other person (generally about five years or more), and sexual
behavior that is atypical for young children, such as oral-genital or
penile-anal behavior.

7. Seek help. If you have any concerns,
questions or doubts, err on the side of being cautious. Contact your
family doctor or your local child protection agency immediately.



The author, Gregory
Ramey, is a child psychologist and vice president for outpatient
services at The Children's Medical Center of Dayton, Ohio.

When it comes to sexual abuse, what are the signs parents should
look for? Prevent Child Abuse America, an organization that works to
prevent the abuse and neglect of children across the country, has
outlined several key signs parents should look for to help recognize a
problem.

Physical Indicators:

• Torn, stained or bloody underclothes
  
• Frequent, unexplained sore throats, yeast or urinary infections
  
• Somatic complaints, including pain and irritation of the genitals
  
• Sexually transmitted diseases
  
• Bruises or bleeding from external genitalia, vagina or anal region
  
• Pregnancy
  

Behavioral Indicators:

• The victim's disclosure of sexual abuse
  
• Regressive behaviors (thumb-sucking, bedwetting, fear of the dark)
  
• Promiscuity or seductive behaviors
  
• Disturbed sleep patterns (recurrent nightmares)
  
• Unusual and age-inappropriate interest in sexual matters
  
• Avoidance of undressing or wearing extra layers of clothes
  
• Sudden decline in school performance, truancy
  
• Difficulty in walking or sitting
  

For more information, head over to www.childabuse.org