Protecting your child from sexual abuse

By Kimberly Holmes – [email=kholmes@fox19.com][/email]
CINCINNATI, OH(FOX19)

It's
an unthinkable book. A so called "how to manual" that teaches
pedophiles how to sexually abuse children. The worst part? It's legal.

Last fall, a "how to" guide
surfaced on Amazon.com. It taught abusers how to do a better job of
attracting and then molesting children, but what's most troubling is the
fact this isn't the only one out there and there's not a whole lot
investigators can do about it.

There is hope, though.

Some victims tells us that parents can take back the power from those pages.

Holly Sowels-Jenkins said her
father sexually abused her. It first happened when she was five years
old. Sowels-Jenkins said her father molested and raped her for seven
years; that's when he brought in another abuser.

"One of my brothers, who was only a
year and a half older than me, walked in and caught my father molesting
me one day," said Sowels-Jenkins. "So to keep him from telling, my
father forced him to have sex with me, as well."

She said her mother knew all along, and physically abused her, as well.

"What I figured out was I was the
other woman in my mother's life," said Sowels-Jenkins. "And if you find
your husband is cheating or messing around, whose eyes do you want to
claw out?"

Both of her parents died years ago.
Now, Sowels-Jenkins says that pain has become her purpose. She's
written her own book "Daddy Don't" and several plays, pledging to help
heal other victims of child sexual abuse.

Advocacy organization Darkness to
Light estimates one in four girls and one in six boys is sexually abused
by his or her 18th birthday. In 90-percent of the cases, the abuser is
someone the child knows.

Just ask Hyde Park resident "Mary." She asked us to conceal her identity.

"When I was 10, I was sexually abused by my neighbor," Mary said.

Mary was molested by a neighbor who also sexually abused his own daughters -- her friends.

"It started happening slowly," Mary
said. "At first, it might have been just exposure. Then it might have
led to touching and things of that nature. When you're a child, there
may be other issues going on. You're looking for love."

Detectives say predators depend on that.

In today's world, where parents are
busier than ever and often working long hours and leaving children home
alone, experts say many young people are easy victims.

Tracy Watson is a personal crimes
detective for the Boone County Sheriff's Department. She has
investigated more than 700 cases involving child sexual abuse. She said
the problem has grown exponentially over the last decade.

"It got big enough that myself,
another detective, and our two computer forensic guys are Deputy U.S.
Marshals to investigate child porn," said Watson. "It's gotten pretty
bad so we take it through the federal system."

Detective Watson says the Internet
is the reason behind the increase, and now that same tool is being used
to teach predators how to find their prey.

Watson tracked down the latest manual that child predators are using, but could barely stomach reading it.

"It was not easy," said Detective Watson. "I couldn't stomach reading the whole thing."

Both survivors we spoke with agreed the manual is disgusting, but they say it can actually help stop the issue.

"Pedophiles don't need a manual,"
said Sowels-Jenkins. "They already know what they're doing. The manual
lets us know what they're up to and how they groom their children."

Part of that "grooming" includes making victims believe the abuse is their fault, and no one will believe them.

Gary Hudson runs the Cincinnati chapter of Darkness to Light. He said that far too often no one does believe victims.

"If someone reports a crime to you,
it probably happened so the comparison I would offer is if someone
comes running down the street to you saying my car was stolen," Hudson
said. "Yelling my car was stolen. Our first instinct would not be to say
well, you probably wanted them to steal it, didn't you? What? Did you
leave the keys in it?Did you polish it up? I bet you just had it
detailed.You made it look real nice for them, didn't you?"

Hudson said education is the only way to stop the problem.

"If all of us abide by certain
simple practices," said Hudson. "We don't let our kids go behind closed
doors. We don't let them go where it's not interruptible, it's not
observable. Then, it makes it an environment where it's not safe for a
perpetrator."

"The adults know this child will
tell on you or tell on them," Sowels-Jenkins said. "That child is less
likely to be the one that is approached."

"Talk about if it feels weird, tell
mom, tell dad," said Detective Watson. "If something doesn't seem
right, tell a trusted adult."

"Parents are just afraid to bring
up the subject," said Sowels-Jenkins. "Why would I want to put that in
their heads? Because you want to keep them safe."

There's a childhood sexual trauma
class going on right now at Crossroads Community Church in Oakley. The
church meets every Thursday thru March 24th from 6:30pm until 8:30pm.
The church is located at 3500 Madison Road.

It's an eight week class that has
already begun, but you can still sign up. Organizers say your privacy
will be protected. Call this number for more information: 513-731-7400.

For many, it may be that first step you need to begin the healing process.

As for the manual, it was sold on
Amazon.com last fall. Customers threatened to boycott the website. While
obscene, Watson said the book is legal. There aren't any pornographic
pictures in it. Amazon initially refused to pull the book, under the
guise of protecting free speech, but Amazon eventually gave in and
removed the book.

=====

Helpful Tips for the Boone Co. Sheriff's Department:

What are the most important things parents should tell children about safety?

· Always check first with a parent, guardian, or trusted adult before going anywhere, accepting anything, or getting into a car with anyone.

· Do not go out alone. Always take a friend with when going places or playing outside.

· Say no
if someone tries to touch you, or treats you in a way that makes you
feel scared, uncomfortable, or confused. Get out of the situation as
quickly as possible.

· Tell a parent, guardian, or trusted adult if you feel scared, uncomfortable, or confused.



What should a parent know when talking to a child about safety?

· Don't forget your older children.
Children aged 11 to17 are equally at risk to victimization. At the same
time you are giving your older children more freedom, make sure they
understand important safety rules as well.

· Speak to your children in manner that is calm and non-threatening.
Children do not need to be frightened to get the point across. In fact,
fear can thwart the safety message, because fear can be paralyzing to a
child.

· Speak openly.
Children will be less likely to come to you about issues enshrouded in
secrecy. If they feel that you are comfortable discussing the subject at
hand, they may be more forthcoming.

· Do not teach "stranger danger."
Children do not have the same understanding of "strangers" as adults;
the concept is difficult for them to grasp. And, based on what we know
about those who harm children, people known to children and/or their
families actually present greater danger to children than do
"strangers."

· Practice what you preach.
You may think your children understand your message, but until they can
incorporate it into their daily lives, it may not be clearly
understood. Find opportunities to practice "what if" scenarios.

· Teach your children that safety is more important than manners.
In other words, it is more important for children to get themselves out
of a threatening situation than it is to be polite. They also need to
know that it is okay to tell you what happened, and they won't be
tattletales.

· Be observant. Know
what or who does and does not belong in your neighborhood. Report
suspicious vehicles and people in the area and around schools and
daycares.

· Know who your kids are with. Make
sure you know the adults and their background in which your child
interacts with such as caregivers, coaches and volunteers. Be cautious
of adults you suddenly want children interaction yet do not have
children or are not in a relationship themselves.

· Education. Educate
yourself and your children about the possible dangers. Children who may
struggle socially or seem sad and lonely are more likely to be
befriended by potential predator.

· Know your child's computer activity. Privacy
should not be an excuse for not being aware of what your children are
looking at or who they are communicating with on the computer.


Is "stranger danger"-that dangers to kids come from strangers-really a myth?

· Yes.
In the majority of cases, the perpetrator is someone the parents or
child knows, and that person may be in a position of trust or
responsibility to the child and family. We have learned that children do
not have the same understanding of who a stranger is as an adult might;
therefore, it is a difficult concept for the child to grasp. It is much
more beneficial to children to help them build the confidence and
self-esteem they need to stay as safe as possible in any potentially
dangerous situation they encounter rather than teaching them to be "on
the lookout" for a particular type of person.
Parents
should choose opportunities or "teachable" moments to reinforce safety
skills. If an incident occurs in your community and your child asks you
about it, speak frankly but with reassurance. Explain to your children
that you want to discuss the safety rules with them, so that they will
know what to do if they are ever confronted with a difficult situation.
Make sure you have "safety nets" in place, so that your children know
there is always someone who can help them.
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