Lee's MySpace Postings (re: Tara Hawkins)

Tara is Mark Hawkins' (the marine guy from California Casey was hitting up) ex wife.

She was pregnant with Lee's child.

She went back to her husband.

Told Mark the baby was his.

Got an abortion.

Didn't tell Lee.
(Right away, but later Lee found out)
Found another guy.

She is now in Michigan.

Thursday, January 18, 2007



Waves of Change

Current mood: grateful

Category: Life





As each new wave comes crashing onto shore the tide pulls another one
back. Constantly reshaping, but never faltering. Never is one wave
given enough time to linger, to hold onto the shore for more than the
tide will allow it. Tides of change can be unforgiving, but they are
necessary. My tides of change have yielded a wide range of emotion and
experiences. Some too hard to let go, and some that I can finally say I
am glad to have been washed away. Sometimes the water can start out so
warm and inviting, yet in the end of it all, it can prove to be cold
and sickening. I'm encouraged by the skyline I see before me. I'm
intrigued by the stars aligned above me. As I lay here and stare I
think of all the good things now, and not the harsh memories of soured
experiences. Indeed I've finally been able to let go of some of the
burdens and misfortunes that seemed to plague my life recently. I've
learned that you cannot let other things in this world plague your
existence. You must stand up and fight for what you believe in, even if
everything around you makes it seem as if you will never be victorious.
You need to fight because every day has a night, and every night yearns
a new day. A new day to conquer your dreams and overcome any obstacle.
But you choose to fight through the day, and carry yourself through the
night. Tomorrow will indeed be another day, and when I get there I will
not forsake it. I will not let it pass me by. Just as important, I will
not forget what it took to get me to this day. Every day, and every
night before this one. I've struggled, I've bled, I've cried, I've
laughed, I've loved, I've failed, and I've triumphed. I've lived. Today
I recognize how I've lived, and I take another step towards living for
today.




8:42 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment







Tuesday, December 12, 2006



To All of You

Current mood: grateful

Category: Friends



You can't get it off of my face. I can't stop. It's been so long...I've
missed smiling. I feel so good this evening. I feel as if everything is
actually starting to settle in fully now. Ups, downs...hell who am I
kidding...it seems as if lately all I've been getting were the downs. A
good friend of mine said something to me this weekend that means a lot.
I said something to the effect of 'what else could possibly go wrong
for me right now.' He replied that everything is good with my family
and nothing has happened to them. I didn't pay it any mind, but did
acknowledge that would not be good. Well, what Brian said has sunk in.
Maybe not the way he intended it, but it has truly touched a nerve.
Over the past week or so I've had so many great discussions, or
encounters, with what I will say to be the most amazing group of
friends that anyone could ever ask for. Casey, Mom, Dad, Nathalie,
Brian, Fred, Anthony, Michelle, Sandra, Audra, Jody, Michele, Mary,
Emily, Jason, Avey, Tim, Chuck, Tina, Melany, Kelly, Sara, Foyil,
Amanda, Emilee, Andres, Josh, Anne, Mallory, Tibby, Tasha, Taylor,
Lora, Melissa, and countless others. If I missed you there, I
apologize... Every effort on your part over the past week or so has had
an amazing impact on my direction and where I'm at right now. In one
way or another, as small as our exchange may have been...or as involved
and in depth it may have been...I cannot thank you enough for showing
how much you truly care about how I'm doing. Whether it's working
through my relationship drama, offering shelter during my lodging
drama, offering a reference, or hell, even a job during my employment
drama...my god, just offering an ear for me to vent to. It means the
world to me. Sometimes in life things happen as a wake up call. I think
I'm getting mine. Hell, I'm tearing up writing this right now.
Sometimes when you get too high on yourself, or think everything is
great...you get knocked on your ass. I've been cocky, I've been
arrogant. I've taken things, situations, and sometimes people for
granted. The people that I mentioned above...my family...my god I'm
crying now... Thank you. I needed this today. I needed this wake up
call. But I needed to smile so much more. It feels so good to finally
get something that makes me feel good and that makes me smile.


10:31 PM - 7 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment







Sunday, December 10, 2006



F**k You

Current mood: irate

Category: Romance and Relationships





Was I supposed to let it go? I hear a bunch of moans and groans out
there amongst the people that care about me. Is he seriously gonna go
there...again?!? You know, at this point, I may have a right to. It
doesn't even come down to being the bigger person or letting the shit
go. It's obvious that your life has been so twisted and torn from the
beginning that you've been ed up beyond repair. Imagine it, you sane
people in blog land, because this shit is just bouncing right off of
her naive sense of self worth, imagine going through life clinging,
every second, to anything, and god knows, f**king anything that will
eve f**kn remotely acknowledge you. Imagine, feeling so worthless and
helpless that when someone shows you an ounce of interest, you jump on
it because you cannot fathom what true self respect or self worth is.
Imagine, having a husband...seperating from him...finding a boyfriend
that cares for you endlessly...leave the boyfriend to go back to the
husband as you come to find out you're carrying the boyfriend's
child...lie to the husband that the child is his and proceed to get a
divorce and cut all ties...neglect the relationship with the boyfriend
because you "didn't know what to say to" him, and further sabotage it
because you will only speak to him "now or never." Neglect the
relationship to the point of having an abortion without the boyfriend
knowing any of this was even going on...then, travel to michigan to
find the next husband to be...because, remember, anyone that will love
you, must be worth it. Just throw it all away, for a different
situation, not even a better one...enless better means less complex.
Hahahaha. Are you serious? The perfect husband and son? The perfect
family? Here's some news for you 'princess', the perfect family
suggests the sums of all the parts to indeed be perfect as well. And
though, I've only seen the pictures you've most whorishly protrayed
(yeah, a little over the top on my comments, but f**k you), he could be
a great guy after you get past the snaggle tooth and dorky appearance.
Here it comes, the big come back, 'Oh, dorky? At least he doesn't love
Star Wars.' Well you know what bitch? At least I don't live in
Michigan, last I checked they were runner up to the best school in the
nation...OSU. Again, cheap shot...nothing to do with anything. Here's
the point. Ever since I met you all you could do is wonder and talk
about what other people thought of you. It was amusing at first,
something I remember going through in...oh...well...f**king high
school?!?...yeah...well...as much sense as it makes now...I didn't put
two and two together at that juncture...I suppose I was still enjoying
the f**king sessions during Sunday football when my friends were in the
living room...or the blow jobs on the couch... Anyways...again off
topic? You'll have to excuse me, I'm not as centered or focused as you
seem to be these days. I mean, my current situation with work, and my
apt, and even past girls (eh hem) are well documented...but seeing as
how you can go through a divorce, boyfriend, abortion, and engagement
all in the matter of a month and a half and still say everything in the
world is fabulous...hey, I suppose deep down I envy you. Hahahahaha,
wait, holy shit...that didn't go over well did it? No one believed that
one did they? OK, let's try this on for size. Not only do I not envy
you, I dispise you. Everything you've said or done over the past few
weeks have been nothing short than to lie and manipulate yourself into
the life that you've been seeking. A life, apparently showen through
your actions, of denial and 'stability' which you would describe as a
husband and a place to call home. Hahaha. You're a moron and
undeserving of anything righteous or respectable in this world. I hold
your memory as bitter as I hold an encounter with a bum on the street.
You say you're happy, you say it's the perfect life, the perfect
family...well help the rest of the sane world and stay there. My
prayer...my prayer was once to realize what was truly taken away from
me. Now, it's to never be burdened with any form of compassion for your
undeserving soul, ever again. You want closure? How's this for closure.
F**k you Tara. I hope you freeze to death in michigan. Too harsh? Yeah,
well, bitch deserves it.




11:05 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment



"If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you
. . . If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you." -John
15:18-20