Parenting Tips: When abuse happens in the family

There can be unique challenges when a child is sexually abused by
another family member, especially a member within the close or immediate
family. Since more than half of all victims of sexual abuse are abused
by a parent or relative this is a real issue that families may face.
This can be difficult for both the victim of the abuse as well the
child’s non-offending caregivers. Here are some challenges that both
victims and caregivers may struggle with when sexual abuse has
occurred within the family.

Children may not tell about the abuse. Children who are sexually abused
within the family may take longer to tell about the abuse. There can be
many potential consequences to disclosing inter-family sexual abuse
such as losing a family member or splitting up the family. When the
abuser is the family’s main source of income, the child may fear the
loss of basic needs like a place to live, food to eat or clothes to
wear. The child may fear losing their family through separation, divorce
or fear of being placed in foster care. When the abuser is someone the
child’s parent(s) or siblings love, the child may fear that they won’t
be believed or supported.

Family members may not be supportive. When sexual abuse has happened by
someone that the family knows, loves and trusts there may be a lack of
support shown by other members of the family. Even members of the same
family may have different feelings and opinions about the abuse that has
occurred; feeling loyalty to either victim or abuser. This can cause
family conflict which means additional stress to the child victim as
well as the family as a whole.

Parents may struggle. When your child has been abused in your home, in a
place where you felt you and your child were safe, or even in a place
and time when you were present, it may cause many strong emotions such
as guilt, shock, denial and anger. Parents may ask questions like, “How
could I not know this was happening?” or “Why wasn’t I able to stop
this?” Parents may struggle with their own feelings of divided loyalty
between the abuser and the victim.

Children may have long term struggles. When the abuser is a person who
is supposed to love, protect and provide for the child, it can cause
problems with the child’s ability to trust and rely on adults in
general. This can lead to problems such as acting out behaviors,
difficulties connecting to others, separation anxiety from family
members and difficulties building healthy peer relationships. These
problems, if ignored, can lead to further difficulties in adolescence
and adulthood.
It’s important to understand that sexual abuse can bring unique issues
when the abuse has occurred within the family. If you or someone you
know is struggling with issues related to inter-family sexual abuse,
please seek help from a licensed professional.